


Clarity

by partyrocker



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: F/M, MTV Video Music Awards 2012, The X Factor Era
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-01
Updated: 2014-03-10
Packaged: 2018-01-14 05:14:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 19,895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1254175
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/partyrocker/pseuds/partyrocker
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Catherine met One Direction on the X-factor but hasn't seen them since- which is exactly what she wants. So when the VMA's roll around and may be her last chance at a big break, will the boys just get in the way?<br/>Or<br/>Harry Styles is simultaneously the worst and best person and I'm going to tell you why.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**2010**

“It’s not that I think you’re not going to be picked, it’s just that I don’t think you should get your hopes up.” My father’s words rang in my ears as I gripped the microphone just slightly out of the sightline of the audience. I took a couple deep breaths and tried to forget about my surroundings, tried to ignore the groups of supportive families encouraging their talentless loved ones on this journey. Even they had someone. I seemed to be the only one who was alone.

On stage in front of the large glowing “X” backdrop was some pretty boy with a mediocre voice. There seemed to be hundreds of those here, almost all the auditions were pretty people with okay voices or old people who seemed to miss their time and are now praying for a new 15 minutes. I was in the smallest category: okay-looking people who had good voices, real potential.

Don’t get me wrong here, I know I sound conceited. But as long as I had no family support, I had to be able to brag as much about myself as the family next to me was bragging about their pretty boy.

“Uhhh, we’re looking for a Catherine Edwards? Are you here?” The stage manager called out. I raised my hand and he nodded at me. “You’re next. As soon as you’re announced, be ready.” I nodded, turned toward the stage and took a breath. This was my moment.

**2012**

My phone had been ringing all morning, but I haven’t looked at it. Today was finally a day off, and by God I was going to enjoy as much of it as I could. It wasn’t until I heard the “tweet” tone that has been assigned to my best friend that I finally got off my couch and grabbed it from my bed.

(Laurie: Have you heard?! Please tell me you’ve heard!”)

I sighed and rolled my eyes. Laurie has a thing for gossip, and trust me, I do not have the time that she does to invest myself in the lives of others.

(Me: Of course I haven’t. What’s up?)

(Laurie: They’re making a movie! They haven’t announced it yet, they aren’t planning to for another couple months but AHHH!!)

I blinked in surprise. Well, not so much surprise as confusion. Why the hell would they do that? They’re private people. I had seen the movies from the Jonas Brothers and Miley Cyrus. Did they really want that much personal exposure?

(Me: Wow.)

(Laurie: Wanna go see it?!)

I actually laughed out loud at that before dialing her number.

“Of course not,” I said as soon as I heard her pick up. “God, how pathetic would that be?”

“Maybe you’ll get invited to the premiere!”  Laurie’s excitement was overwhelming, even over the phone. I immediately regretted moving the conversation from text.

I shook my head. “No way, Laur. They don’t even remember me, none of them. You know that. We haven’t spoken to them in two years.”

Her sighs always sound like you’re the most incompetent person she’s ever heard. This one was no exception to that rule. “Oh my god, as if they actually forgot you. You’ve switched numbers, they’ve switched numbers, things have been busy for all of you and you know it. I don’t see you making some extreme effort.”

I rolled my eyes. She was right, for once, but that didn’t mean I wanted to admit it. “I at least follow them on twitter. They probably don’t even know I have one.” She was silent. Two can play at the being right game.

“Whatever.” She mumbled. “You’re absolutely zero fun.”

I smiled. “Yet you love me. I wonder why.”

She laughed. “You wish.” She paused for an extra second, then added quietly. “Go rest your voice, girl. You’re going to need it for tomorrow. The VMAs are kinda a big deal.”

“Right, the couch is calling my name.”

She paused again. “It wouldn’t hurt though.”

“What wouldn’t hurt?” I asked, again immediately regretting it.

“Tweet him.” She said seriously. “Just see what happens. He is in California right now.”

I sighed. “Maybe,” I whispered. “Don’t get your hopes up.” I hung up, plopped by butt back on the couch and put my phone beside me.


	2. Chapter 2

**2012**

I wake up at 8am sharp. I get up, take a jog on the treadmill in the hotel work-out room, and head back up to my room. I eat breakfast, shower, get on my robe and wait for my phone to ring. Five minutes pass and I’m already bored.

I go to my computer and log onto Twitter, see how everyone else I getting ready for the VMAs. Based on the complete lack of activity on my feed, I take it I’m the only one in the world that is already awake. But who can blame me? I’ve been waiting for this moment practically my whole life.

I think about what Laurie said and click on his name. I scroll through his tweets for about thirty seconds before I start to feel like a creep. I close my laptop just as my phone starts to ring.

“Up and attem, sweet pea, I’m on my way to your room.” My manager’s voice is comforting, even with her thick Brooklyn accent and layer of sass.

“I’ve been up, I’ve been attem,” I say back. “I’m waiting on you!”

“Well you won’t be waiting long.” I hear a ding on her end that must be the elevator. She hangs up and is at my door about a minute later, holding coffee for her, and tea for me. I grab it as I give her a thankful kiss on the cheek. “Yeah, yeah.” She says, putting her stuff down, taking off her sunglasses and looking at me. “Ready for your big day or what?”

I smile widely after sipping my tea. “Honey, I have been ready my whole life.” I smile and snap, sticking my hip out. She laughs at me.

“Alright, alright. Get your dance clothes on, we have to go to rehearsal this morning.” I nod and start moving around the room, finding my yoga pants and my new bright purple tank top. “That logo looks good, I really like it,” she points to my shirt.

I look down at it and smile “yeah, it’s a good choice I think.” I throw my curls into a ponytail, grab my water bottle, wallet and phone and look at Sarah. She looks young this morning, nowhere close to the 43 years she’ll be celebrating in just a month. She looks maternally at me and I wonder why she never decided to have any kids of her own, or even get married. She smiles and puts her hand on my back, leading me outside. “Today is going to be great.”

**2010**

I was standing on stage waiting for the judges to get there, surrounded by strangers, who seemed to already know each other. I bit my lip and stood in the back. This is fine; I am used to being alone. In front of me, a boy wearing a fedora is almost dancing out of his pants. He won’t stop moving around and it is driving me insane. The girls next to him keep looking over and giggling so I just look away. I need to focus; I don’t have time for anything else.

“Bit of a jumpy thing, isn’t he?” A boy next to me pointed to fedora boy. I nodded and looked at the speaker. He looked familiar, but I couldn’t place his face. He smiled at me. “Are you nervous for today?”

I shrugged and looked at fedora boy again. “Well, I’m not quite as excited as he is, but I’m not too nervous either.” I looked back at the boy next to me. “Are you?”

He shook his head. “I’ve been here before. It’s not as bad the second time around.”

Before I could ask him anything else, the judges walked in and everyone was quiet. We didn’t speak to each for the rest of that day.

 Almost three hours later, we’re all together again. Round one is complete, we’ve all sung the same song, and now we have to wait. People are walking around handing out snacks and water bottles, so I take some and start eating. I’m sitting on the floor against the wall, humming “If I Were a Boy” which would not get out of my head. Everyone around me was talking again, people forming cliques and gossiping about who would get in and who wouldn’t, the cameras were focused on the criers. I sighed softly and took a sip of my drink.

Next to me, someone sat down. I glanced over and saw fedora boy from earlier. He smiled at me. He looked goofy like that, all his teeth out, head cocked to the side. “Hey,” he said.

“That’s not exactly how I expected you to sound.” I didn’t mean it to be rude, but didn’t really care if I was either way.

His face flashed confusion before his goofy grin came out again. “I get that a lot, actually.”

I nodded. I didn’t know why he was speaking to me, and I didn’t know what else to say. I took a sip of my water bottle to fill the silence. “I’m Harry. Harry Styles.” He told me. Seems he wasn’t going to give up that easily.

“Catherine.”  I said after a moment.

“Pleasure.” He paused. “So, how’d you think it went for you? I’m feeling pretty decent.”

I shrugged. “I’m just hoping for the best, I suppose. There’s a lot of people here.”

He nodded. “I know. I’ve been talking to a couple other boys in my category, they’ll all fantastic.” He shrugged, “Doesn’t intimidate me though.”

I nodded, starting to smile. He seemed to be a bit like me, not just the wiggly, goofy, annoying person he seemed at first. “Me neither.”

“Alright everyone, we need you to split back up into your categories. The decision is just about ready.” A booming voice said. Everyone suddenly stood and started moving. Harry slowly got to his feet and held his hand out for me. I took it and he pulled me up easily.

“Good luck,” I said to him as I turned to walk again.

“Good luck to you too, Catherine.” He smiled at me again before headed in the opposite direction.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After this chapter, the chapters start getting a bit longer. Sorry about that!

**2010**

I made it. I made it through.

I walked into my hotel lobby and just sat on the couch. My knees were weak from excitement, I just wished I had someone to call.

“You again?!” I heard a voice behind me. I turned and saw Harry, walking in with a couple other boys that I recognized from boot camp.

“Me again.” I repeated. “I’m guessing from that dorky look on your face that you got in?” I asked. His grin was wider than ever, taking up what seemed to be his entire face. He nodded quickly and pointed to me. “Yeah. Me too.”

“That’s awesome!” He practically screamed, and before I knew it he was leaning over and picking me up in a tight hug. I could hardly breathe, and was totally surprised so I quickly squirmed out of his arms and nodded.

“Yeah, I guess so.” I tried to smile at him. “I gotta get some sleep so I’ll see you tomorrow.” I said and quickly walked to the staircase, nodding at his friends as I passed, got to my room on the second floor and closed the door.

“God dammit.” I mumbled. “Who the fuck does he think he is? Who just hugs strangers like that?! I have personal space!”

I heard the toilet flush and my back straightened. I jumped over to my bed, sat down and turned on the television. My roommate that the show assigned me came out in a robe, hair wrapped in a towel.

“Were you just talking to yourself?” She asked.

I nodded. “Sorry, Laurie.” I said softly.

She shrugged. “No worries. I get it.” She sat next to me. “Can _I_ give you a hug of congratulations?” She asked. When I shook my head she nodded and held her fist up for a bump. I accepted and she smiled. “I’m proud of us.” She said confidently. “I think we’re the next big stars.”

**2012**

My phone tweets as soon as I get into the car. Sarah motions that I can answer it, but before I can even open my mouth—

“OH MY GOD, PLEASE TELL ME YOU HEARD!!”

I took a deep breath. “I honestly don’t know how you expect me to know what you’re ever talking about.”

“They’re at the theatre rehearsing right now. They’re performing tonight, too you know!”

“Right now?” I repeated, looking over at Sarah. She looked at her watch and shook her head. “They shouldn’t be” she mouthed at me.

“Yes! The papz just caught them!” Laurie exclaimed. “You’ll get to see him!”

I hung up and looked at Sarah. “I do not want to see them. Not… now. Not yet, I’m not ready.”

She nodded and put her hand on my back. “I know. I won’t let them see you until you’re all dolled up and glamorous for tonight. Deal?”

I nodded vacantly. I was not nearly as ready as I had hoped.


	4. Chapter 4

**2010**

The next afternoon we were gathered on the stage once again. This was the first time the shrunken group was all together and it was easy to see. I was standing with Laurie. She was pretty cool so far, and didn’t really care about much besides being a good human. I liked that.

I spotted Harry from across the stage at approximately the same time he spotted me. I smiled and waved at him, hoping he would forgive me for the night before. He waved back, but there was no goofy grin. Laurie looked over me.

“Was that the boy you were mumbling about last night?” She asked outright. I nodded. She looked back over at him. “He’s damn cute. I say you go for it.”

“What are you even talking about?”

She smiled. “He’s bound to be looking for a girl if he hasn’t already got one. You should get it.”

I shook my head. No way.

“Alright everyone, attention please!” The judges were back. “Today, we won’t be cutting anyone. That’s lucky for you, since today’s challenge is dancing.”

“Yes!” I whispered. Laurie looked over at me, questioning. I whispered to her “My mum was a choreographer and dance teacher. I’ve got this.”

She rolled her eyes. “Lucky you. I can’t even get my damn limbs to walk correctly let alone dance.” I smiled.

“I’ll help you if they give me a chance. Don’t worry.”

She smiled. “Thanks.”

**2012**

The car was parked under the Staples Center, but I couldn’t move. I turned to Sarah. “Can you check for me please? I’m too nervous.” She nodded and stepped out of the car. A couple minutes later she opened my door.

“You’re good. Let’s get you to the stage quickly now.” I took her arm and we walked over quickly. I hopped up on stage and hugged all of my dancers and band members, thanking them for getting there even earlier than me.

My choreographer jumped on staged and started strutting back and forth. “Tonight,” He began. “is going to be one of the greatest nights and performances, ever.” He looked at me and winked. “It has to be, right? We have people to impress.” Everyone nodded. “So let’s get started, shall we?” He raised his hand and my drummer began to count off. He handed me a prop microphone and we all got into position. Show time.

**2010**

“Did you hear?” Laurie said to me that night as soon as she walked in the door. I shook my head.

“Hear what, exactly?” I asked.

“One of the boys just straight up refused to dance. Simon had to go get him and everything.” I nodded.

“Wow. That’s kinda unprofessional, huh?” I said absent mindedly.

She nodded, her eyes wide. “Incredibly so. I’d be surprised if he made it to the judge’s house.” She sat next to me. “What’s gotten into you, though?”

I sighed. “I have to take care of something real quick downstairs.” I looked at her and smiled slightly. “I’ll be back up before midnight. If I’m not back in ten.”

She looked confused but nodded. Then the light bulb. “You’re going to talk to him aren’t you? Do you have him room number? Phone number?”

I shook my head, then held up a brown beanie I had found on the stage after mostly everyone cleared out. “But this is his. And he wears something ridiculous like this every day so I’m sure he’ll want it back.”

She smiled widely. “Sneaky. I’m proud.”

I laughed and gave her a small hug. “I’ll be back in a bit, I’m sure.”

“I hope you aren’t.” She teased. I shook my head and walked down to the lobby.

I walked right up to the front desk. “Hello, I have a friend of mine’s hat here. I don’t know what room he’s in, so could you just call him and ask if he could come to the lobby and get it? His name is Harry Styles.”

The front desk manager nodded and told me to have a seat on the couch while he gave Harry’s room a ring. I nodded took my seat.

“How’d you get my hat?” His too-deep voice came from behind me not even two minutes later. I looked up at him and smiled.

“You respond quickly when you’re precious beanie is in danger, huh?” I teased. He nodded and took it from my hand, still no goofy grin. I sighed softly and stood up to face him. “Listen, I’m sorry for just running off on you yesterday. It wasn’t cool, I just wasn’t entirely prepared for you to just up and hug me.”

He was still looking down, but he nodded. “Yeah, I’m sorry I did that. I didn’t mean to scare you. I just didn’t think to ask first.”

I smiled. I knew he had good intentions. He seemed like a decent guy. “It’s okay. But, I thought of a way to make everything okay again. If you’re into it, of course.”

He looked up at me, his grin playing at the corners of his mouth. “What is that?”

I laughed and whispered in his ear “I know where they hide the ice cream.”

He looked surprised before he laughed loudly. “You’re kidding me.”

I shook my head, grabbed his sleeve and started pulling him towards the ‘Employee’s Only’ entrance to the kitchen.

I got back to my room at about 1:30am, still giggling and jumpy from the night. Laurie was sitting on her bed, obviously waiting for me.

“Well, well, well.” She began. “Miss ‘I’ll be back by midnight’ comes rolling in an hour and a half late? I’m surprised at you.” She smiled. “So, your punishment is that you must sit and tell me everything.”

I laughed and sat next to her, leaning against the headboard and sighing. “That was probably the most fun I’ve had… ever.” I said softly, giggling again. “I actually feel giddy. You know what we did?” I looked over and she shook her head, smiling at me. “We stole ice cream from the kitchens. Then we sat by the pool outside with our feet in and just…talked.” I looked up at the ceiling. “We talked about goofy stuff, nothing serious at all, and it was wonderful and…” My voice trailed. I had run out of words to describe the night.

“Well, you know what it sounds like to me?” She asked. I looked over at her and raised an eyebrow. She smiled. “Puppy love.”

I shook my head and tried not to blush. “No. No way, time to go to bed, you’re obviously mental.” I got up and started to brush my teeth and get changed.

“You know I’m right!” She called out at me. I could hear her smiling still. I shook my head, watching my face in the mirror. I looked happy. I felt happy. This moment was incredible.


	5. Chapter 5

**2010**

The next morning, Harry found me before we walked out on stage. “Well there you are!” He said gleefully as he wrapped his arm around my neck in a quick hug.

“Oh! It’s you. Almost didn’t recognize you without a hat on.” I gestured to his head. “Dressing up in your polo today, sir?” I teased.

He grinned. “Seemed fitting as we are beginning our final challenge today. If I’m going out, I’m going out in style.”

“Your last name calls for it.” I added and he nodded.

“Exactly.” He tapped my nose before we walked onto the stage. He dragged me towards the front, but I stood behind him.

Simon and Louis gave their normal speeches and the day was on its way. I wasn’t performing until first the next day, but Harry and Laurie were both doing their songs that day and I wanted to show my support, so I sat in the audience.

Harry went on pretty early and he was fantastic. I never heard him sing except a couple of lines the night before, but his voice really blew me away. I stood and cheered for him as he left, hoping the judges would take that into positive consideration.

Soon after, the boy from the first day of boot camp sat down next to me. I had learned his name was Liam from Laurie because everyone seemed to remember him from a past season, except me.  Laurie told me that Simon didn’t like him enough so he didn’t make it. He had a sweet face and a fantastic voice from what I heard, so I wasn’t upset about having his company again.

After a couple of performances, he mumbled something under his breath. I looked over at him. “Excuse me?”

He looked up at me. “Oh, sorry. I was just saying that these people are fantastic.” He laughed a little. “Actually makes me nervous.”

I smiled. “Don’t worry about it. I’ve heard you sing before, I’m sure you’ll do fine.” I didn’t know him. I wasn’t exactly my job to comfort him, so I turned back to watching the performances. I knew Laurie was probably next.

Liam held out his hand in front of me. “I’m Liam Payne.”

I took his hand and shook it slightly before quickly letting go. “Catherine.” I answered. I turned back to the stage just as Laurie walked on. I smiled encouragingly and tried to wave, knowing it was entirely pointless.

“Your friend?” Liam asked, pointing to the stage.

I nodded. “She’s wonderful.” I said simply, hoping he would catch the hint to be quiet once she started singing.

Luckily he did stay quiet, and Laurie was brilliant. She left the stage looking confident and I started to get up to go get her.

“Where are you going?” Liam asked, softly touching my arm.

“I’m going backstage to see her. I have to tell her how well she did.” I answered quickly, trying to get out before the next performer got on stage.

Apparently I was too late. “You can’t go now.” He answered. “The next girl is up.”

I sighed quietly and took my seat again. I was determined to go see Laurie.

Someone sat on my other side. I couldn’t help but think how rude it was to come in while someone was getting ready to perform, but a tap on my nose confirmed who it was.

“You have very little class for someone wearing a polo.” I told him, glancing over.

He grinned, but kept his face forward. “Nobody is perfect.” Liam looked over to see who I was talking to, then held his hand out to introduce himself.

“Liam.” He whispered as softly as possible. Harry took his hand but before he could answer, I broke their hands apart.

“Guys, manners.” I whispered, gesturing to the stage where the singing had begun. They exchanged looks, then shrugged and leaned back in their seats. As soon as she was done singing I got up and ran out and backstage to try to catch up to Laurie, leaving the boys together. I found her quickly and grabbed her into a hug.

“You were absolutely brilliant!” I said excitedly. She looked at me, happy tears in her eyes.

“I think I actually have a chance.” I nodded. I knew that she did.

**2012**

I got back to my hotel room and plopped down onto my bed, exhausted and pumped for my performance tonight.

“Oh no you don’t.” Sarah said to me as soon as my head hit the pillow. “Into the shower, quick. The hair and make-up team will be here in 20 minutes, then you’re getting dressed and we’re headed over you don’t have time to just lay down.”

I took a deep breath and sat up, looking at her. “I can’t believe it’s here though! The VMAs?!” I smiled widely and jumped up, dancing around for a second before the door swung open and Laurie came barging in, grabbing my hands and bouncing around with me again. I threw my arms around her in a huge hug. “You’re here!!” I practically yelled her ear off.

She laughed and hugged my tightly. “Yes, I’m here, finally!” She smiled and put her hands on my shoulders. “So I found out everything about tonight, are you ready?”

“Oh no, she’s taking a shower before you two start the gossip train.” Sarah said, practically picking me up from the arm and throwing me into the bathroom. I laughed and took the quickest shower of my life, coming out as soon as possible so I could spend more time with Laur before the show.

“So, give me details,” I told her, sitting next to her in just my robe. No use in dirtying another outfit waiting for the make-up team.

She smiled. Those were her magic words. “Well, word is that everyone is going to be actually showing up tonight, none of those Skype acceptances that are total crap. Plus, people have been putting you in second for your award, which will totally make you the underdog when you win!” She bit her lip nervously. I knew it wasn’t nerves over whether or not I’d be embarrassing the human race with my acceptance speech. She was hiding something.

“What else?” I asked. She was silent. “Is it bad?” She nodded, and then shook her head.

“It’s probably nothing!” She said quickly. “Just a rumor! Most of what I hear is total shit, I wouldn’t even stress it.”

I nodded. “Well, if it ends up being true, you have to tell me, okay?” She nodded, biting her lip again. I stood up and grabbed four dresses out of my closest, two options for her and two for me.

“Now,” I said, trying to lighten the mood. “the fun part.”


	6. Chapter 6

**2010**

It was my day for my final performance and the heel on my only good black shoes broke. I was almost in tears with nerves and anxiety. I couldn’t borrow any of Laurie’s because she was two sizes smaller than me. Everything felt like it was coming apart.

Laurie left the room, trying to find a girl who had my size that was nice enough to let me borrow some shoes. She came back about 25 minutes later with Harry in tow.

“I found him in the lobby.” She said, shrugging. “He has a solution.”

I looked up at him and he smiled his usual goofy way. He held out his hand and I handed him my shoe. “To surgery!” he exclaimed before taking my shoe into the bathroom and locking the door. I looked up at Laurie, who was laughing.

“This is a terrible idea, you know.” I said to her, shaking my head.

He was only in there for a minute and a half before coming out with my shoe fully intact, smiling like a third grader who just won the science fair. I was amazed.

“Thank you so much! What did you do?” I asked, hugging him and putting my shoes on quickly.

He shrugged. “I’m just Superman, I suppose.” He held up some super glue and winked before tucking the tiny bottle into his pocket.

“Well, Superman just saved the day then, huh?” I smiled. He nodded, still proud.

After that, Harry and Laurie walked me to the arena and helped me rehearse for the two hours leading up to my turn before they ran out to their seats in the audience. I was shaking backstage, nervous as all hell and about to throw up. I walked out to perform, and the rest was a blur.

**2012**

I sat in the car with Laurie, all dolled up in a beautiful teal dress for her, and light purple dress for me. She kept biting her lip and was getting more anxious by the minute. I grabbed her hand and looked at her intently. “What is it? You have to tell me before you literally worry yourself sick.”

She looked at me sheepishly. “You have to promise you won’t be upset. I want you to focus and kick absolute ass tonight.” I nodded and held out my pinky for her to shake. After she did, she took a deep breath. “He might have a date tonight… He probably will.”

My heart sank to the bottom of my stomach. It’s not like I expect some fantastical reunion where we would run into each other’s arms and confess our true love for each other or anything. But I also wasn’t expecting to have to see him, for the first time in years, with a different girl on his arm.

“You know what?” I spoke before I could even think. “Fuck him then. I’m doing this all for me.” I smiled as hard as I could. She looked at me and nodded, smiling.

“Exactly as you should.”

**2010**

I was sitting in the waiting area with Harry and couple other boys who were goofing off and trying to keep their minds off the long, terrible wait we all had to endure that day. I leaned back in my seat, just listening to them banter. Harry noticed and leaned back. “You doing okay?” He asked sincerely.

I smiled at him and nodded. “You’re wearing the beanie again.” I pointed out.

He smiled at me and nodded. “Tis a good luck charm, I think.” He winked. “It helped fix your shoe this morning anyway. And got us to talking.”

I almost blushed. I never blush. God this bastard was charming.

“Even Superman needs his lucky charm, huh.” I countered. Harry shrugged, smiling and went back to his conversation with guys. They were laughing and cracking jokes when the announcement about the going onstage again was made. We all stood and started making our way out there. I looked up at Harry and shook my head nervously. I started ringing my hands together. This was my only chance to get this right. It needed to happen.

He noticed my hands and took them gently. His smile was supportive and friendly so I let him hold my hand onto the stage and throughout the typical speeches. Then we were separated again.


	7. Chapter 7

**2012**

We pulled up the Staples Center and it was time to walk the red carpet. I grabbed Laurie’s hand as Sarah opened the door to let us out. We stepped out and she squeezed my hand encouragingly. I took a deep breath and tried not to think about him as my black heels stepped onto the carpet.

**2010**

I was sitting backstage with Laurie, crying. We both were. Rejected.

My dream was fading before my eyes. Dying, my only chance was gone.

“They want us backstage.” Tessa, another girl who was rejected came and grabbed our hands. “They want all the girls who were rejected they have an announcement.” She seemed excited. It’s probably just another speech.

“Okay, four of you will be going back on stage. If your name is called, please step forward and stand together to my left.” The stage manager showed no emotion. I looked over a Laurie who was biting her lip. We held hands and squeezed, hoping for the best.

“Maria Stevens… Laurie Matthews.” He announced. I looked at Laurie and quickly hugged her before pushing to stand with Maria. They linked arms and I stood there shaking, silently praying.

“Rebecca Louise… Catherine Edwards.” My mouth dropped open and I ran to the other girls. We all group hugged and walked onto the stage holding hands.

“Oh my god, Harry’s here, too.” Laurie whispered at me. I looked up and saw Harry standing with Liam and three other boys. He was facing forward, looked a wreck. They must have been rejected, too.

The judges began speaking. At first, it did just seem like another speech and my hopes temporarily dwindled. Then she said “You guys were just too good to let go of. You are able to move forward as groups.” My heart about jumped out of my chest as I looked at the girls I was standing with. We all group hugged, almost ignoring Simon as he urged us that we needed to work 15 plus hours a day just to get on a competitive level. As soon as he stopped talking, I turned to the boys. Harry saw me at that moment and opened his arms. I ran over to him, jumping and hugging him in the air, my legs wrapped around his torso.

“We did it!” He said breathlessly in my ear. “We really did it!” He put me down after a long hug and I smiled.

“We really did.” I said. Laurie came over at the moment, as we were all walking back stage and hugged Harry as well.

I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned and saw Liam, his arms open. I hugged him tightly. He was warm, his chest was so comfortable to lean against I almost didn’t want to let go. “Fantastic job.” He congratulated me.

I smiled at him. “I told you that you had nothing to worry about.” I elbowed him lightly in the arm and he smiled, shrugging modestly. Harry grabbed my arm lightly to direct my attention back to him and smiled at me.

“Meet me later?” He whispered, glancing at Liam while he spoke. I nodded and smiled. We separated once again, off to find the others who were moving on and celebrate.


	8. Chapter 8

**2012**

I walked the red carpet a few times before this night, but it is always intimidating. Lights are flashing everywhere; people are yelling things just to get a reaction. The only person I ever listen to on it is Sarah. She tells me where to look and who to pose with and that is all I need or else I will go insane.

Luckily it’s over just about as soon as it starts. Just a couple interviews to wish everyone good luck and say how excited I am over the performance and then I’m inside, in relatively more peace. I take a deep breath and look at Laurie, who is having the absolute time of her life getting her picture taken. I laugh at her and take her hand, headed past the crowds of people near the door to our seats.

“Catherine?” I hear a familiar deep voice behind me from the crowd at the door. I turn and see a mop of curly hair.

“Harry.” I say, almost out of breath. “No beanie tonight, I see.”

**2010**

It was well past midnight by the time we all got back to the hotel for one more night before going home for a short break. The judges’ houses were starting in just a week. I was sitting by the pool with my pants rolled up and my feet in, watching the water ripple as I kicked.

“Having a bit of fun?” His big bare feet were next to me, his pants already rolled up to his knees. He sat down next to me, testing the water with his toes before sticking his feet in.

I smiled at him. I was exhausted, though my restlessness and excitement could not be contained. I closed my eyes for a second, just trying to absorb everything that had happened that night.

Harry nudged me. “If you’re going to fall asleep, I can walk you back to your room.”

I looked at him. He really was always so sweet. I smiled and shook my head. “I’m okay. Trust me.”

He smiled and looked at his phone. He laughed at a text before putting it away. “My mom is the greatest. She’s almost more excited than I am.”

I nodded and looked into the water. “That’s really sweet.”

He smiled and nodded. “What did your family say about you getting in?” He asked innocently.

I shook my head. “Oh, nothing.” I bit my lip and tried to think of something else to talk about, but I was at a loss. My brain was like scrambled egg.

“Come on!” Harry urged. “They must have said something.”

I shrugged. “Maybe they will once I tell them, but I just haven’t gotten to it.” I mumbled. Harry’s face seemed to drop. I looked at him. “Listen; don’t get unhappy because of me. It’s awesome that your mum is so supportive. I’m happy for you.”

He bit his lip. “Can I ask you why you didn’t tell them?” He asked softly.

I looked at the water. “My mum is passed away.” I said with as little emotion as I could. “Has been for about three years now. My dad just hasn’t been the same since. So we aren’t very close.” I shrugged. “No big deal, really. I’m okay with it.”

He hesitated before putting his hand on my knee. “If you ever need some sort of family, I’m here. Plus my mom would probably just treat you like her child. She has that habit.” He smiled. I tried to smile back. It’s incredible how close you can get to someone in such a short time.

“Thank you.”

“Why hello there.” I turned and looked up, seeing Liam and one of the other boys that was on stage with them earlier walking out to the pool. “Taking a midnight dip?” He smiled at me, almost ignoring Harry.

We both shook our heads and I noticed Harry took his hand off my knee. “No, mate. We’re just talking a bit.” Harry stood up to face them as he spoke. I looked down at the water for a second before getting up and joining them.

“I’m Louis.” The other boy held his hand out to shake mine. Looking at the three of them, I thought the first thing they needed to do as a new band was get haircuts. I introduced myself and tried to smile. The boys started talking. Liam kept looking over at me and smiling, seeming to check on me. Maybe he overheard what I had told Harry. God I hope not.

“I have to be getting back to my room. Long day of travel tomorrow, you know?” I said suddenly. I started walking inside, I could hear a set of footsteps behind me, but couldn’t tell whose. Nor did I really care.

“Slow down, there.” It was Liam. Okay, maybe I did care. Either way, I slowed down and waited for him. He smiled and began walking with me up the stairs.

“So, are you excited?” He asked me. He was smiling and his eyes were shining. He was awfully cute. I nodded at him and he continued talking. “I suppose being put into a group isn’t truly ideal but it’s better than being eliminated. Do you like the girls you’ve been put with?”

I nodded again. “One of them is my best friend.” I said. I had only known Laurie for three days, but she was the closest thing I’ve ever had to a best friend. I had hopes it would stay that way.

He nodded. “That’s good. The lads in mine seem decent as well. Well, most of them anyway.” He said. I stopped in front of my room and turned to him, gesturing to my door so he would know he could leave. He smiled and practically bowed. “Have a good night, Catherine.” He said sweetly. He turned to walk away, but turned back to me quickly. “Hey, be careful okay? There’s just something about this guy… I wouldn’t trust him with yourself too much.” He smiled again. “Goodnight.”  

I nodded. “Goodnight.” I replied before walking into my room with racing mind.


	9. Chapter 9

**2010**

The week between auditions and going to the judge’s house was spent in France and named our group Bon Ami in homage of it. The girls and I practiced nonstop for the entire week, perfecting harmonies and getting everything together to insure our spot in top.

When the time came to get to the judge’s house, we ended up in Barcelona. It was breathtaking. All of us girls could not get enough of the scenery, architecture, or landscapes. It didn’t take long for all of the groups to meet up in front of the breathtaking house. I searched for the boys right away, but didn’t find them until we were already lining up to wait for the judge to be revealed. It ended up being none other than Simon Cowell, and Laurie immediately grabbed my hand. “That means One Direction will definitely get in.” She whispered.

“Who the hell is One Direction?”

“Harry’s group. Remember how Liam has been here before? Simon was the house he went to.”

“Well maybe he’ll cut him again.” Maria added, smiling. “More chance for us.”

I shrugged. At least she was right about that.

After we had multiple speeches and talks from Simon, we were given our times for our miniature performances for him. They didn’t start until the evening so most of the groups decided to go swimming at the private beach.

“Wouldn’t it be fantastic to be rich enough to have something like this?” Rebecca commented as we walked down to the sand.

“Well, we’re almost there.” Laurie said confidently as our feet hit the hot sand. We threw down our towels and began to take off our sundresses when two groups of boys sped past us, laughing and yelling. We quickly ran after them and got into the water.

As soon as I was in up to my stomach, I felt something grab my foot. I screamed before Harry could resurface, laughing at me. I splashed him. “You bastard!”

He only laughed harder. “Well that’s not very much of a proper hello. Didn’t you miss me?” He grinned.

“Oh and you’re hello was any better?” I splashed him again.

“That’s it. You’re getting it.” He jumped into the air and tackled me into the water. I fought my way back to the surface, coughing and spitting water out of my mouth.

I looked at him once he came to the surface. He reminded me of a wet puppy with his hair like that. “You’re very charming,” I commented, still coughing.

“Well, I do have a weak spot for you,” He teased.

“Superman has a weak spot?” I gasped while quickly avoiding his hands as they tried to grab me.

He laughed. “Everyone has a kryptonite.”

“Harry! Catherine!” We heard from a little but away. We turned to the voice. People were crowed around the rocks and it seemed someone was hurt. Harry swam over as fast as he could, and I followed close behind him.

“Is that Louis?” I asked Laurie, who was already there. She was always in the middle of things to get the details. She nodded at me and looked really concerned.

“I think he’s stepped on something. Maybe broke his foot.”

My eyes widened. I didn’t know Louis very well, but he was always smiling. Plus, his health affected Harry and Liam’s chances. I didn’t want them at risk because of this.

The boys all helped carry him back up the house and get him to the hospital. We decided to start practicing for that night’s performance for Simon.

***

Everything went well in the evening. Our performance worked as well as a group that had been together for years. I heard Louis got back in time to perform but now he was resting his foot and the other boys were keeping him company. I decided to take some time alone and read by the pool. I was getting ready to head back inside when I noticed Liam coming outside. He smiled and waved at me. I waved back and invited him to sit with me. I was still curious as to why he felt the need to warn me about Harry, a fact I hadn’t even shared with Laurie. I planned to ask him about it.

“How are you, Catherine?” Liam smiled as he sat next to me.

I nodded. “Doing okay. How’s Louis’ foot?”

He shrugged and smiled. “He’ll survive I’m sure. Luckily his foot doesn’t affect his singing voice.” I nodded and bit my lip. I wasn’t sure how to bring this up without being outright rude.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Liam asked again. He looked really concerned, like he thought I was going to be sick. I laughed slightly to try to relieve him.

“I’m fine.” I assured him. “I just have a quick question about the last time we talked.”

He nodded. “About why I said you should stay away from Harry?” I nodded and he looked forward, away from me. He took a second to find the words. “I just don’t want you to get too attached to someone that doesn’t give a shit at the end of the day.” He looked over at me to see how I was responding.

I blinked. I felt my face go blank. “What do you mean?”

He shrugged. “Harry seems to talk to a lot of girls at a time and never take any too seriously. I just don’t want you getting hurt.”

I started getting defensive. “Why the hell do you care about that? I can be friends with whoever I damn please.” My words were sharper than I meant them to be. His eyes suddenly turned into puppy dogs. Great, I made a puppy upset. I looked down. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to be so harsh.” I said quietly.

He nodded. “I understand.” He said. He stood up and held his hand out to help me up. I accepted it and walked towards the house with him. He stopped me right outside the sliding glass door and smiled. “You know, I like you. I hope we get to hang out more in the future.”

I smiled back. He may act like an annoying big brother, but Liam really did have great intentions. “I would like that, too.” I said honestly. He gave me a hug and we walked inside, right into a staring Harry.


	10. Chapter 10

**Harry’s Point of View**

**2012**

It was the day before the VMAs and I was busy shifting through my closet, searching everywhere I could think of. My bags were emptied, the bus was clear, even Louis checked his bag in case it was put there by mistake. I couldn’t find it anywhere.

“Why do you want it so bad? You don’t still believe it’s good luck, do you?” Niall questioned. He was the only one still helping me search.

I sat down on my bed, about to give up. “It just makes me feel better. Maybe she’ll notice if I wear it.” I put my elbows on my knees and rested my face in my hands. I pushed my hair out of my face as I thought of something. “Gimme a sec, mate.” I said as I got up and walked down the hotel hall to Liam and Zayn’s room, knocking.

Liam came to the door and nodded. “What do you need?”

“Where’d you put my x-factor beanie?” I asked. “I know you took it.”

I followed him into his room. I stood next to one of the beds and put my hands in my pockets, watching him carefully. He reached into the front zipper of his suitcase and pulled it right out, throwing it at me. “Thanks, mate.” I said and turned to leave.

“Harry.” He said, calling me back into the room. He walked over and stood right in front of me so that even his lowest voice felt like he was almost screaming. “If we do see her tomorrow, you better not treat her like the shit you did last time. It’s been two years, and even if she is over it, no one wants you to restart that.” His eyes were threatening. This was the only thing him and I ever disagreed on, and to him it was a huge deal.

I carefully put my beanie back on and smiled. “It doesn’t matter what I do, Liam. She’ll still never fall for you.” I turned and walked out of his room and straight into Louis’. I needed to go over my game plan once again.

I went right in and sat on the small armchair next to his bed. He looked up from his computer at me. “I need to look damn good tomorrow, mate.” I said seriously.

Louis closed his laptop and turned to me. “Why is that part so important? She doesn’t care how you look.”

I shook my head. “It’s more than that. I have to show her I’m trying harder; I’m a better person now.” I paused. “I don’t want to convince her to date me or even like me, I just hate the thought of her hating me.”

Louis nodded and pointed to my beanie. “Thinking cap?” He commented. I shrugged. I don’t know why it was so important to me to wear this old thing again. Louis took a good look at my face. I could feel him studying it for a while before I looked up at him. “Are you sure you’re going to even be able to talk to her? I mean, you can’t even follow her on Twitter, you’re so paranoid.”

I shrugged. I knew she was following me, and even though I wasn’t following her, I still checked up on her periodically. “If I follow her, she can message me.” I shook my head, looking at the ground. “I don’t want to imagine all the awful things she could say. And they’d all be true.”

Louis sighed softly. There was nothing to say. At that moment, Niall burst through the door. His mouth was open like he was going to say something, then he saw me and his eyes widened.

“You found your hat!?” He exclaimed. “God, tell a fella, would you? I almost tore the room apart lookin’ for it!” Louis started to laugh and I couldn’t help but smile.

**Catherine’s POV**

**2010**

After becoming a real contestant, it was amazing how life changed. Suddenly, our lives revolved around rehearsals and performances and training nonstop. But at the same time, we were all becoming incredibly close. The contestants got closer as the group got smaller. We went out to dinner three times a week, went swimming in the hotel pool, and had dance parties on the weekends. I continued to get close to Harry and Liam, as well as the other members in the group. Niall was Irish like my mum, so it was nice to hear him sing while strumming his guitar. Zayn was really private, but when he did open up he was either the deepest human being or the funniest. Louis was an all-around sweetheart. He and Harry really clicked early on, so Laurie and I spent a lot of time with the two of them. Liam periodically warned me against Harry, but I felt no reason to get alarmed. It wasn’t like we were dating. He was only my friend.

But one night things started to get weird.

I was sitting opposite Liam in the room he and Niall were sharing. We were just hanging out on the bed, chatting and taking a lazy night off. There were M&Ms everywhere from us throwing them at each other, trying to catch them in our mouths. Out of nowhere, footsteps were stomping into the room and a deep voice was booming.

“I swear to fucking Jesus, Liam, if you keep pulling this kind of shit I’m going to kill you.” I turned around and saw Harry, his face was red and there was a vein sticking out of his neck. I had never seen him angry before and it was a little terrifying to be caught in the crossfire. Liam just stared up at him, seemingly used to it.

“I haven’t done a thing, mate.” He answered calmly.

Harry opened his mouth to say something else, when a high pitched voice from outside the door whined for him. He exhaled and rolled his eyes at the sound. This was the first moment he saw me. His face dropped and lost almost all of its color in less than two seconds. He quickly turned and left the room. His heavy footsteps moved down the hall, quickly followed by clicking heels.

I turned back to Liam, visibly confused. He shrugged. “I suppose he didn’t want you to see his girl for the night.” He said calmly.

“I didn’t even know he did that kind of thing.” It didn’t surprise me. All the boys in their group were incredibly attractive. He just never told me.

Liam nodded. “That’s what I was trying to warn you about.” He said. He put his hand on mine and leaned towards me. “You are okay, right?”

I nodded and smiled. “Of course. Just surprised.” I started to stand up. It was getting late anyway and now I had some new gossip to tell Laurie for once. “I’m going to head back to my room.” I smiled and said my goodbyes before walking up the stairs to my room.

 The next day was the super weird part.

I was sitting in the lobby with the rest of my group after rehearsals. We were planning to meet with a couple other people for dinner and were just waiting for them to be ready. Maria was in the middle of discussing a new dance move she wanted to add when Laurie suddenly smiled at someone behind me. “Hi Harry!” She said cheerfully. I turned and smiled at him before I saw his face. He looked angry. Not in the same way as when he was yelling at Liam the night before, but like he was using all his power to keep the Hulk down.

“Can I talk to you?” He said stiffly. I nodded and excused myself from the girls. I followed him outside to the bench in the front of the hotel. He turned to me. “I just wanted to explain last night to you.”

I held up my hand and shook my head. “I got the birds and the bees speech long ago.” I teased, smiling. “Trust me, it’s okay that you have sex. No one is going to judge you for it.”

He shook his head. He didn’t look relieved. If anything, he seemed even more angry than before. “I didn’t invite her to my room.” He started. “She was just there when I got back. I don’t know how to even who she was. But I know Liam set her up to do that.”

I laughed. “Are you freaking serious Harry?” His face didn’t change. I took a deep breath. “Why would Liam do something like that?”

Harry shrugged. He shook his head as his face faded from pissed off to really upset. I put my hand on his back and rubbed it, trying to soothe him a little. “It’s okay… I’m sure there’s just some misunderstanding.” I said softly. “But really, you don’t have to explain it to me. You having sex a lot or not at all doesn’t matter much to me.”

He laid his head on my shoulder and I pet his hair softly. I hated seeing him like this. “I just really didn’t want that sort of image.” He was whispering. “I’m not that kind of guy.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Harry :( Any thoughts on the Liam/Harry relationship? Liam/Catherine or Harry/Catherine? <3 Let me know!!


	11. Chapter 11

**2010**

“You’re joking.”

Laurie shook her head. She looked serious, but the words coming out of her mouth were unreal. Next to me on the bed, Rebecca and Maria both shifted. What were we supposed to do about this? What would this mean?

“I’ve already talked to the producers about it.” She said quietly as, for the first time in this whole speech her eyes filled with tears. “They said we need to forfeit the competition.”

Rebecca’s mouth fell open in shock. Maria looked at her and I knew that look would make Laurie feel incredibly guilty. I moved over on the bed to be closer to her and wrapped my arms around her in a hug. “Your health is so much more important than a silly competition.” I said confidently, though I wasn’t sure the other girls would agree. “You need to take care of yourself first.” She nodded, now fully crying. I knew she was in pain, but she was also filled with guilt and depression. I took a deep breath and held onto her, ignoring the cameras that had to catch this moment of drama. “Don’t worry one bit.” I whispered in her ear. “I’ll stay by your side. You’re my best friend, no matter what.”

***

Later that night, after Laurie finally fell asleep, I snuck out of our room and ran upstairs. I knocked lightly on Harry’s door three times, paused, then another four. That became our code for something urgent happening. I needed to tell him.

He opened the door in just his pajama pants. He looked like he just came out of a deep sleep, which confused me until I caught a glimpse of his alarm clock and realized it was almost 4am. “I’m sorry.” I said softly. “Go ahead back to sleep, I’ll just talk to you in the morning.” I started to walk away, but he grabbed my arm. I turned to him and he shook his head.

“Just gimme a minute.” His sleepy voice was even deeper and raspier than his normal voice. My heart skipped after hearing it, but I immediately felt stupid. Of course he was more attractive at this hour, just like boys are almost always more attractive in suits.

I waited outside for a minute and when Harry reemerged he had on a white V-neck and a pair of jeans with his lucky beanie. He took my hand as he passed me and started walking down the stairs, into a secluded part of the lobby. He sat down and pulled me into his lap, which had recently become our typical way of sitting. Harry was a very touch-orientated person. The closer he felt a connection with you, the more physical contact he wanted whenever you were with him. I rested my cheek on his shoulder and almost instantly began to cry. I was just worried. I was worried about Laurie, about my future, about everything. What if everything we had worked for in the past couple months were completely for naught?

Harry wrapped his arms tightly around me and rubbed my back. He softly started humming “Isn’t She Lovely,” the song he always sang when he was upset or nervous. I lifted my head and wiped my face before I started talking.

“Laurie has a really bad infection in her throat and needs major surgery.” I took a deep breath. I could feel the tears on the insides of my eyes about to fall. “We’re being forced to forfeit.”

Harry’s concerned face dropped and he stared at me blankly. “Is she okay? How could they do that to you?” I shrugged and looked down, water droplets falling all down my shirt and lap. Harry wrapped his arms around me in a hug and told me everything was going to be alright, he was going to be there for me. I believed him. He was like Superman.

***

The next morning was almost like waking up from a hangover. My head was pounding from crying so hard, I didn’t know where I was, and there was a stranger in my bed.

Wait, I was in a stranger’s bed.

My eyes shot open quickly and my body started. The arms that were wrapped around my stomach tightened slightly. “Shhh… it’s okay.” A familiar voice, but I couldn’t place it through my fog of exhaustion. I managed to roll over onto my back and look at the person who had apparently held me all night. It was Harry, of course. Slowly the night came back to me. I must have fallen asleep somewhere without realizing.

As if reading my mind, Harry whispered to me. “You fell asleep on me in the lobby. I wasn’t able to find your key so I just brought you back here to sleep.” He smiled sheepishly. “I’m sorry I shared the bed. You just wouldn’t let go of me.”

I wiped my eyes and sleepily smiled at him. “I’m sorry about that. Can’t exactly control my subconscious mind.” He smiled at me before gently leaning over and kissing my forehead. My heart skipped the same way it did the night before when I saw him in his pajamas. I tried to ignore it.

There was suddenly a loud knock on the door. Harry got up to answer it and I sat up, tying my mess of hair back and trying to locate my shoes. I was still in my clothes from the day before and felt like I desperately needed a shower. I picked up my shoes and decided to walk back to my room barefoot. I went to the door and saw that Harry was talking with Louis, Liam, and Zayn. Niall was still sleeping in his bed next to Harry’s. I smiled at the boys as I passed through them, trying to leave to get to my room. Liam caught up to me on the stairs.

“Did you sleep with him?” He demanded from behind me. I turned and faced him, surprised at the outright question.

“What? Like have sex with him?” Liam nodded. I shook my head, sick of him getting involved in my life like this. “There’s a chance of that.” I started. “It’s personal business between Harry and I that I don’t care to share with you.” I crossed my arms, staring at him, challenging him. I didn’t care.

“You know he doesn’t give a rat’s ass about you, right?!” Liam was close to yelling. “He just puts on this act to get to you because you’re nice and beautiful and you’re giving into it! I thought you were smarter than that!”

“I’m a big girl, Liam.” I started to turn away from him. “I don’t need you looking after me.” I started to walk down the stairs to my floor but I could hear him yelling after me.

“I’ll show you what I mean!” He called. “You’ll see how right I am!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is Liam a bad person or is he right to warn Catherine? Was spending the night with Harry a terrible decision? Tell me your thoughts!!


	12. Chapter 12

**2012**

He looked even better than all the pictures Laurie forcefully had shown me over the past two years. My stomach felt like lead in my body, my heart probably wasn’t even beating. I thought I might’ve passed out if it weren’t for Louis’s always perfect timing.

“Catherine! Laurie!” He said excitedly. He came right over for hugs, which we both accepted. He smiled at us. “How’ve you been? Good?” We nodded and smiled. He smiled back, but he seemed nervous. He probably wasn’t as happy to see us as he had made out.

“You look fantastic.” Harry commented, his eyes seemed to be locked on me but I was trying to avoid looking at them for more than a few seconds at a time.

“Thank you.” I replied. “You look well yourself.” I added.

Harry bit his lip and glanced at the photographers that were standing at the entrance. He looked back at me and Laurie both. “Take a picture with us?” He asked. Louis nodded and took Laurie’s arm, leading her to the other boys. Harry extended his for me to take as well. I almost ignored it, not wanting to give him the satisfaction, but I could feel the watchful eye of the camera on me.  He chose a good battlefield for this one. I took his arm and he led me back to the boys. I hugged Niall, and then Zayn. Zayn was the most changed of the lot of them. He seemed like a real adult, his face was fuller and more masculine. “When did you turn model on us?” I teased him. He smiled his reserved smile, and nodded. “You as well.” He commented.

I turned to Liam and his face was shining. His hair was shorter now, he also looked much older. I smiled at him and gave him a long hug. He was still as comfortable and warm as ever. “I’m glad you’re here,” he whispered to me.

“I wish I could say the same.” I answered as I pulled away. I walked back over to Laurie who was standing near Louis and Harry and suddenly agents and managers were posing us. They placed me between Harry and Niall, and Laurie between Louis and Zayn while Liam stood in the middle. After a couple seconds, everyone else disbanded but Harry looked at me.

“Just us now?” He suggested. I shrugged. His arm was still around my waist. All I had to do was smile for the camera and that would be it. I saw Sarah behind Harry motioning to play nice, but then we had to get going. I quickly posed, smiling best I could, then looked up at Harry.

“Wish I could chat more, but I have to go.” I smiled politely. “Perhaps I’ll see you after.” I grabbed Laurie’s hand, waved goodbye to the other boys and walked to Sarah.

“You perform second and the first act is about to go on. They want you to start getting ready now.” She said, taking my arm and leading me backstage. I spared a final glance at the group of boys and saw Harry and Louis were still staring. I turned away quickly. I had to focus on the goal.    

**Harry’s POV**

**2010**

“I’m telling you, Louis. He’s trying to make me look bad.” I explained. It was still pretty early and I hardly slept. Between being woken up at 4am and then holding a squirming, crying Catherine all night, I hardly got a wink.

Louis shook his head. “He’s not like that, Harry. Liam loves all of us. We’re like brothers.”

I shook my head again. Louis was a great guy and just wanted to believe the best in people. It was almost as hopeless as talking to Niall. I stopped pacing and sat on the bed, holding my face in my hands. I finally looked up at Louis. “He has been telling Catherine that I’m a bad person to get involved with. He’s saying I sleep with every girl in sight. Just trying to scare her away from me.”

Louis shrugged. “Well, he’s not entirely wrong. You’ve even said you aren’t interested in a girlfriend. It’s only fair she knows that.” I laughed a bit and shook my head.

“She doesn’t want one either! That’s why us being friends is so perfect!” I exclaimed. “Liam is trying to get in the middle of that and stop it when there’s nothing to stop!”

Louis looked at me seriously. “From the looks of her leaving your room this morning, it sure seems there’s something.”

I shook my head again, even though I knew he was right.

**Catherine’s POV**

I was starting to pack my things up when Laurie got back from breakfast. “Where were you all night?” She questioned, her gossip-mode activated.

I shook my head. “Don’t start that with me.” I smiled at her. “I talk to best friend Laurie, not interviewer Laurie.” 

She laughed and sat on my bed next to my suitcase. “Fine, tell best friend Laurie where you spent the night. The roommate side of her is very concerned as to which tall handsome brute you chose.” She smiled at my tauntingly.

I laughed and shook my head. “I called on Harry. I had no intention of going to Liam. He’s been a bit of an ass lately.”

“Telling you to stay away from Mr. Styles again?” I nodded and Laurie clicked her tongue. “Interesting.”

“What is?” I asked, closing my suitcase and zipping it. It wasn’t quite full, but I was too tired to continue for now. I took its place beside Laurie on the bed.

“Word is that Liam has a bit of girlfriend. Which is why I’m confused as to what his motive is towards you. I get a jealous guy getting nasty towards the person who’s getting the action—“

I cut her off. “No action was gotten. I just fell asleep and he didn’t want to go digging around my jeans for my key.”

She clicked her tongue at me for interrupting her. I held my hands up in surrender of an apology. “I can understand a jealous guy,” She continued. “But I don’t understand an uninterested guy seemingly just trying to get in his friend’s way.”

I shrugged. “I don’t think they’re that close of friends.” I paused. “At least they never seem like it.”

Laurie shrugged. “Just seems odd is all.”

I nodded, agreeing. I lay back on my bed and closed my eyes. All the stressed from the day before were slowly coming back, and I was getting exhausted just thinking about it.

“You love him, don’t you?” Laurie asked.

I opened my eyes and looked at her. “Who?” I asked, as if I didn’t know.

She sighed quietly. “You’re the type of person who runs when someone suggests you run. You’d take any excuse to get out of a friendship that might hurt you in the end.” She looked at me. “But by the time Liam got to you, it was too late. You already loved Harry. And you still do.”

I shrugged. “And I love you, too, Laur. I don’t see the big deal.” I said calmly.

She shook her head. “You need to tell him. We leave the morning after tomorrow. Before it’s too late.”

I took a deep breath. “If only it were that easy.”


	13. Chapter 13

**2010**

While all the other groups were busy rehearsing all day, I was left to wander around alone. I took a nap, finished packing, and tried my best to entertain myself. I had been talking to producers and record labels  all day, trying to figure out what I could do from here to ensure my dream still coming true, despite this major setback. But mostly, I waited for One Direction practice to be over, so I could talk to Louis.

My gut was telling me that Laurie was right; I had to be honest with Harry about my feelings. But before I made a complete fool of myself, I wanted to ask Louis if I was completely off the mark. Even if he didn’t tell me straight out, he was a terrible liar. I’d have something to go off of before I made my move.

It was hours before they finally got back. I hid in hopes that Liam and Harry would pass so I could grab Louis in secret. But of course Harry and Louis were practically one person, so I had to improvise.

“Louis!” I called after him, all the boys turned but only he, Niall, and Harry stopped and waited for me to catch up. “Hey, Laurie wanted me to talk to you about something kinda private for her, so I was wondering if you could just come back down here in a bit so we could talk? Alone.” I quickly added, glancing at Niall and smiling. He was nosy and he knew it so he stuck his tongue out and turned to walk up the stairs. Louis promised to be right back and followed him. Harry stayed behind.

“Everything okay with her?” He whispered, taking a step closer to me. I remembered I told her how sick she was. I nodded.

“She wants me to tell him. But doesn’t want anyone else to know yet so if he tells you, act surprised for my sake?” I asked. This cover story really fell into my lap. I didn’t even have to lie.

He smiled and nodded. He gave me a quick hug and brushed his lips on my head in an almost kiss-like way before turning to run up the stairs after his band mates. 

It hardly took Louis five minutes to get back downstairs. He and Laurie were good friends, and I really didn’t want to worry him over her, but I had to get him there somehow.

“So what’s up?” He asked right away. I held up and finger and motioned for him to follow me. I led him to the workout room one the first floor, which was practically always deserted. He raised an eyebrow at me. “Don’t get me wrong, but why is this necessary.”

“I love Harry,” I blurted out. As soon as it came out of me, a wave of emotion that I had been trying my best to keep from slipping out came too. Regret, fear, anxiety all balled themselves into a knot in my stomach that I felt I could heave at any moment. Louis face stayed stone. I was not expecting that.

“That…is very interesting.” Louis said after a long pause. I exhaled loudly.

“Please tell me you have something else to say besides that,” I begged. “Do you have any idea how he feels about me? About anyone even?” My knees were going weak. I sat on the mat underneath me and Louis followed suit. He looked at me apologetically.

“I really don’t know.” He paused. “He tells me really vaguely about his feelings towards you, nothing is ever as concrete as it is with other people.” He spoke softer. “But I always seem to feel like he’s lying.”

I sighed quietly and looked at the mat beneath me. I knew he was telling the truth, he was as obviously confused as I was. I looked up at him and tried to smile. “Would I be a fool to tell him how I feel?”

Louis shook his head seriously, looking back at me. “You’d be a bigger fool to not.”

I smiled slightly, looking down again. “I wish you were wrong.” I whispered, glancing back up at him. He smiled at me and opened his arms for a hug. I leaned into him and tried not to cry. “God, I’m pathetic.” I said softly. Louis shook his head.

“I think you’re right on point.”

**Harry’s POV**

**2012**

“Well, that went a little better than expected.” Louis put a supportive arm around my shoulder. “And now we get watch her perform, perform ourselves, and relax because this whole big mess is over.”

I shook my head. “She’s uncomfortable around me. I could feel it.” My hands were clenched in fists. I was so angry at myself. How could I do this to someone? How was it really that bad?

Liam walked over to me. “Guess you’re not superman anymore, huh?” He elbowed me in what was supposed to be a playful manner, but I was tired of his shit.

“Don’t start something now.” I said seriously. “I wouldn’t want to give you a broken nose in front of all these people.”

He smiled smugly and shook his head. “Certainly not superman.” He repeated before taking his seat.

Niall came over and put his hand on my other shoulder. “She looks damn well, eh?” He smiled. “Think maybe I’ve got a shot instead?”

“Oh, piss off.” Louis answered for me.

“Those shoes.” I said quietly. I could still hardly see the back of her head as she moved backstage among the crowd.

“You haven’t seen her in two years and you got excited over her _shoes_?” Niall questioned. “There’s plenty of parts of her I would enjoy first.”

I shook my head, ignoring him. “Those were the shoes I fixed for her before her audition.” I looked a Louis. He looked confused for moment, then he smiled with shining eyes.

“Good sign, mate.” He squeezed my shoulder supportively. “Maybe she doesn’t hate you as much as we thought.”


	14. Chapter 14

**2012**

I finally got to my dressing area backstage with Laurie and Sarah. I took a deep breath; I had to clear my head of him, all of them. Nothing was more important than this moment to me.

“Okay, you have about 25 minutes to get ready.” Sarah started briefing me, reading off of a piece of paper the event manager had given her. “You go on in about 45, but you’re right after a commercial break so they want you on stage in the dark for the eight minutes of commercial. Plus, they need to go over some general staging changes and the like.” She looked up at me and smiled. “Are you excited?”

I took a deep breath and nodded. “Excited enough to throw up.” I said honestly. Laurie took my hands and had me face her. She smiled and almost squealed before putting on a very serious face.

“I want you to forget.” She said quietly. “Forget about them, forget about everyone except the fans in the front and us backstage. We are all here to support and love and rock out to you.” She smiled. “You’re doing one of the things we were hardly daring to dream about two years ago.” She paused. “I wish I could be out there with you, but this is your moment to shine.” She wrapped her arms around my neck in a tight hug. “Kill ‘em.” She whispered.

**2010**

I was lying on my bed in my hotel room. Laurie was on her bed, talking to her mum on the phone about her travel plans and her surgery. My mind was racing about my conversation with Louis earlier that day. I was leaving the next morning so I knew I had to tell Harry tonight, but no one was able to give me any tips on how to do so well. I sat up and began to put my shoes on, wanting to take a walk before I went to his room. There was a knock on the door, so I went over and answered it. Harry was standing outside, black t-shirt and dark jeans, surprisingly with no hat. He grinned sneakily and motioned for me to come outside. I closed the door behind me.

“I need you to get Laurie to Louis’s room by 9.” He whispered. “We’ve decided to throw a party for her to wish her well on her surgery.”

I nodded, watching him. Ever since admitting my feelings out loud I felt like they were written all over my face. I was hoping if I watched his close enough, maybe he would give something away.

“I can do that,” I told him. I checked the time, I had about thirty minutes.

“Are you alright?” He asked me. “You seem nervous for some reason.”

I shook my head. “Just… just sad to go, I suppose.” I smiled slightly. “It’ll be alright though.”

He nodded seriously and gave me a big hug. “It’ll be okay.” He said before letting go. “I do have to go upstairs, finish getting everything together. Zayn and Niall are out getting her desserts and Liam is ordering some other food in.” He grinned widely. He seemed proud of himself. I guessed this was probably his idea.

I smiled at him. “Thank you for doing this.” I laughed softly. “It’s like her dream to literally be the life of the party.”

He laughed. “I could tell that much.” He looked at me and gently took my hand for a second. “Would you mind if we took a walk during it though? I want to be able to say goodbye to just you, too.”

I nodded, trying to not blush. I smiled at him as he turned and headed back upstairs.

“Did you tell him?!” Laurie practically jumped me as soon as I opened the door.

“How much of that did you hear?” I asked.

“Just: I want to be able to say goodbye to just you, my sweet true love.” She mimicked, holding her hand over her heart.

I shook my head. “I didn’t tell him. He was just telling me they’re all having a movie night in like twenty minutes and we are invited.” I smiled. “Get on something cute. Let’s leave a heartbreaking last impression.”

Laurie squealed with excitement.

***

A half an hour and a half a dozen outfits later, we were just walking up the stairs to Louis’s room. Laurie was practically skipping, but my heart was hardly letting me walk. I felt like it was going to pound out of my chest and at the same time it felt like led in my stomach. Even my hands were shaking so Laurie had to knock on the door instead. No one answered so she pushed inside. Suddenly the lights were thrown on and everyone was revealed, half of them yelling surprise and the other half just yelling hi. Laurie was shocked, but started laughing loudly with excitement. “You guys!” She exclaimed as Harry and Louis walked out, both carrying half of the largest cake I’d ever seen. Laurie was practically in tears as she blew out the candles. “Good Luck, Laurie! We love you!” The cake read and almost everyone repeated to her as it was being cut.

I stood against the wall and watched. Everyone was hugging her and patting her back as she obviously held back tears. Harry was cutting the cake and beaming, ecstatic that she was enjoying it so much. I felt myself about to start crying when Harry’s eyes found mine. He held up the piece he just cut and I nodded. Everyone else was already digging in, so he grabbed a piece for each of us and came over.

“Here you go, my lady.” He joked, handing it to me. I smiled and took a bite. It was absolutely delicious; I couldn’t help but close my eyes to savor the flavor. When I opened my eyes, he was watching me with his goofy grin. “That good?” He asked. I nodded, continuing to shovel it down my throat. He laughed and ate his piece rather slowly. “She really seems to love it.” He commented, watching Laurie again.

I looked at his profile and smiled. “It was really sweet of you to do this. She’s probably the happiest person in the world right now.”

He looked at me, glowing again. “That was the plan.”

“Catherine!” Laurie cried. I looked over at her and she was smiling as she waved me over. I handed my empty plate to Harry and hurried to be by her side. “Did you do this?!” She asked, hugging me. “This is the nicest thing anyone’s ever done!”

I shook my head as I hugged her back. “It wasn’t me, I swear. It was all these boys.” I said, wrapping my arms around Niall and Liam’s necks, as they were the closest to me. Niall faked some humility and Liam smiled at me.

“Well, we never even would of thought of it if it weren’t for Harry.” Zayn said. I looked over and smiled. He hardly ever spoke in front of large groups of people comfortably, but tonight he seemed totally in his element. I was proud.

Harry actually started to blush and he shook his head. Laurie was smiling hard. “Thank you so much, Harry.” She said. She walked over to him and gave him a hug. He held her for a long time.

“Of course.” He said to her. “You’re so talented and wonderful, we hate that you’re leaving so soon. We only hope that you will be better than ever by the time this whole mess is over with.” He smiled at her and he released her. She turned and faced the rest of us.

“Well…?” She said holding up her arms. “Who’s in charge of music?! Let’s dance!” She screamed. Everyone cheered and Louis, who was standing with an iPod with some speakers, turned it on. Everyone immediately started to move.

***

It wasn’t too long before I needed to get some air. With all those people crammed into one room, it got hot, fast. I was sitting in the hallway, wiping the sweat from my forehead. My hair was sticking to the back of my neck and my shirt was clinging to my stomach. I closed my eyes and took some deep breaths, trying to cool myself faster.

“I thought I saw you sneak out.” Harry stood in front of me. I opened my eyes and looked up. He was smiling; some of his hair matted to his forehead and the rest was a mess all around him. I laughed softly and held my hand out. He grabbed it and pulled me up.

“Ready for that walk?” I asked him. He nodded, but his smile faded a little. He kept a hold of my hand as we slowly made our way down the stairs and into the cool night.

Neither of us said anything for about the first block. Our hands were still clasped, fingers laced gently, the breeze was life-sparingly cold. It didn’t take long for my sweat to disappear and my body to return to normal temperature. 

“So are you all packed?” Harry finally broke the silence. I nodded, but then shook my head with a laugh.

“I was, but then we had to get ready for tonight and now my clothes are all over the place again.”

The corners of his mouth turned up just enough to form a smile. “That sounds about right.” He commented.

I laughed again, thinking about how happy Laurie probably was right now. Thinking of that, for some reason, gave me incredible courage. I stopped walking and pulled at Harry so he’d do the same. “I need to tell you something.” I began.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Will she actually tell him? What will his response be? Let me know your thoughts!


	15. Chapter 15

**Harry’s POV**

**2010**

I couldn’t even comprehend what she was saying. At first, I thought she was just going to say something cute about how happy she was that we became friends. But then it got really serious and now she’s trying to say she’s in love with me?

“You’ve got to be joking.” I said, still unable to grasp her words. Her face was stone, completely blank. I laughed out of nerves. “I mean, there’s no way you expect to actually be in love with me or me be in love with you. That would be absolutely mental. Completely crazy.”

She put her head down, her hair covered her face just enough that it blocked my view of everything but her lips. She seemed to be shaking, I presumed she was cold. I went to wrap my arm around her and she pushed my arm away. “Please don’t touch me.” Her words were sharp and cold.

“Catherine…” I started. I wasn’t sure what to say. My mind was a scrambled egg but my mouth just kept moving. “Don’t get upset, it’s not a big deal. You’re a girl, I hardly expect you to actually understand how you’re feeling.” What was I saying? Why was I being such a jerk? My mind was trying to stop but my mouth was on autopilot. “I mean, it’s all just off the wall crazy.”

She looked up at me. She wasn’t crying, she wasn’t mad. She wasn’t anything. I was terrified. She nodded and smiled. Now I was even more terrified. “You’re right.” She said. “I’m glad we’re on the same page.” She turned and started walking back to the hotel. I followed behind her for the longest four blocks of my life, then up the stairs to her room. She gave me a quick hug and smiled at me. “It was nice getting to know you Harry. Best of luck.” She turned and walked into her room, closing her door on my face before I could say a word.

**Catherine’s POV**

I closed the door behind me and leaned against it for a second, collecting myself.

Out of nowhere, Laurie came out of the bathroom right in front of me. “Oh my god, you’re back!” Her face was shining, her smile still beaming. She gave me a hug and sighed happily. “Thank you so much for everything.” She said, pulling away and kissing my cheeks. She walked over and sat on her bed, starting to take off her shoes and get ready for the night. “So how did your walk with Harry go?” She asked.

I sat down on my bed and shrugged. As I leaned back against the headboard I felt myself start to cry. The first tear was the key to the flood gate of emotion that I held up so that Harry wouldn’t see. In a matter of seconds I became a blubbering idiot, unable to even speak.

“That bastard.” Laurie said, rushing over to me and pulling me into her arms. I leaned against her, not able to control myself.

“He said I was crazy for thinking he could love me.” I wailed. I had no idea that his rejection would hurt this badly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Was that what you expected? Sorry it's so short!


	16. Chapter 16

**2012**

I was standing on the stage, in my ready position, about to go on. I took a deep breath. I knew Harry was in the audience and I only hoped that he would understand why I chose tonight to debut my new single.

My name was announced and lights came up. Show time.

**Harry’s POV**

Her act was announced and I cheered as loud as I could. I wanted to show my support, though I knew she’d never know the difference.

 _“High dive into frozen waves_  
Where the past comes back to life  
Fight fear for the selfish pain  
It was worth it every time”

She looked absolutely fantastic. Her voice was stronger than ever, making an incredible impact when she first started.

 _“Hold still right before we crash,_  
‘Cause we both know how this ends  
A clock ticks ‘till it breaks your glass   
And I drown in you again”

Louis turned to me. “Wow,” he mouthed. I nodded in agreement. She was brilliant.

 _“’Cause you are, the piece of me,_  
I wish, I didn’t need  
Chasing, relentlessly,  
Still fight and I don’t know why

 _“If our love, is tragedy,_  
Why are you my remedy?  
If our love’s, insanity,  
Why are you my clarity?”

There was a music break as my jaw almost hit the ground. I swallowed hard and looked at my hands. _“That would be absolutely mental”_ I had said, _“Completely crazy.”_ I couldn’t believe she still remembered that.

 _“Walk on through a red parade,_  
And refuse to make amends  
It cuts deep through our ground and makes  
Us forget all common sense

 _“Don’t speak as I try to leave,_  
‘Cause we both know what we’ll choose  
If you pull, then I’ll push too deep a  
And I’ll fall right back to you”

Louis looked at me as he caught on. He knew all the details of that night almost as well as I did. “Holy hell.” He said simply. After another minute, she was done, and they went to another commercial break. I didn’t know what to say. She was perfect, her dancing, singing, performing—she was better than ever. But her song.

“Guess she’s not the only one singing about someone in particular tonight, eh?” Niall commented. I nodded absently, then turned to Louis.

“Still a good sign?” I asked seriously.

He shrugged. “I’m not sure, mate. But maybe.”

**Catherine’s POV**

The high I got from performing didn’t fade throughout the whole awards show. I watched the whole thing, including One Direction, with a buzzing smile. I couldn’t help it. Sarah said that everyone in the audience was really having a great time, even the ones out of my sightline. Laurie and I were giddy for the rest of the night, so when it came time to hit the after party, we were certainly ready to dance. Her and I linked arms and tried to push our way through the crowd to get out fast.

Of course that was impossible and we ended up at the back of a bottleneck effect, so we just stood against the wall and talked while we waited for it to die down. Laurie was filling me in on all the gossip she has been texted and tweeted throughout the show with extreme enthusiasm when I noticed Louis walking over to us. I smiled and waved, hoping that would be enough, but it wasn’t.

“Hello girls!” He said cheerfully, wrapping his arm around Laurie’s shoulder. She stopped talking and smiled up at him. We both said hi before he continued. “Are you headed to an after party or are you just hitting the sack early tonight?”

Laurie and I exchanged looks. “Depends on how late it is before we can actually get out of here.” I told him.

He sighed. “That’s no fun! You should come for sure! We even have room in our car. What about a little X-factor reunion, eh?” He was trying so hard to be nice, but I didn’t care. I knew all he was trying to do was to get Harry and I to talk again and I just wasn’t interested.

“Sounds great!” Laurie said before I could even open my mouth. I shot her a look and grabbed her arm.

“Louis, excuse us for a minute?” I said and dragged her about 10 feet away before I started whispering. “What the hell, Laur?! I don’t want to share a small space with them!”

She looked at me seriously. “Don’t get mad, but I have to tell you something.”

I sighed. What on earth could she still have up her sleeve? “What?” I demanded.

“I have been talking to Louis for over a month now.” She started. I could feel my temperature rise. She set me up. “We both decided that it would be best for you and Harry to just discuss things so you can move on with your lives! It’s poison for you to hate someone, Catherine. You know that. Just talk to him, get everything off your chest. You’ll feel better.”

I took a deep breath. “I do not what to do this. But if it’ll get you to shut up, I might as well.” I walked back over to Louis. “Fine. Where’s your car?” His face lit up. I regretted this immediately.


	17. Chapter 17

**2012**

I sat in the far back, just sharing a row with Liam. I knew I could still handle his company, even if no one else. I was leaning back in my seat while everyone else was joking around. Harry kept sneaking glances at me, it was obvious he wanted to talk, but I would just ignore him and look out the window.

After a while, Liam leaned back and nudged me softly. “You okay?” He asked so only I could hear.

I shrugged. I felt no need to confide him. Though we parted on good terms, he still hadn’t made an effort to talk to me since, which made him no better.

“Listen, if any of these guys bother you tonight, just let me know and I’ll get them off your back.” He promised. I smiled at him and nodded. I felt like I would probably need to take him up on that before the night was through. I looked back out the window until we got to the after party.

* * *

Once we got there, I immediately took Laurie to the dance floor, trying to relieve stress. I knew the boys would eventually dance, but first they would need to drink a little, and no way would they have the guts to come over and dance with us right in the middle of the floor. We danced for almost an hour before finally taking a break. She left to go get us both some water and I stood against the wall, watching everyone dance and mingle.

Louis, Niall, and Zayn were near the back of the dance floor, almost hiding in the corner, attempting to show each other up with their dance moves while simultaneously tripping on their own two feet. I was laughing at them when Laurie came back. She was watching them too.

“I think I’m going to go dance with them.” She told me as she downed her water. I shook my head.

“Go right ahead, but I’ll just watch from here.” I told her.

She sighed loudly at me. “You’re zero fun! Come on, Harry isn’t even with them. We can dance, then leave if he tries to join.” Apparently I didn’t look convinced because she sighed again and added, “From the looks of how Liam is talking to him, I don’t think he’ll give you any issues.”

I started looking for them out of habit. Some part of me was still protective and I had a feeling he was getting yelled at. I shook my head, reminding myself that I was not his mother. “Not my problem, I still don’t want to dance with them.”

Laurie shook her head as she put her empty glass down. “Your loss.” She shrugged and began her dance walk over to them, seamlessly joining in their circle and beginning to show all of them up.

I looked around the room again, surveying the scene, when I finally found Liam and Harry. Liam’s back was to me but he had his hand on Harry’s shoulder, like a dad giving his son a lecture about staying out too late. That’s exactly how Harry’s face read as well. It looked like he was doing all he could to not knock Liam in the jaw. I stared at them just a second too long, long enough for Harry for meet my eye. He didn’t grin goofily; he didn’t look happy or excited. I had only seen that look once before, the night he cried to me over the girl coming to his room uninvited. I took a deep breath and put my drink down. Tonight should be a good night and I’d be damned if I let anyone ruin it for anyone else. Harry was more important to me than I was.

I walked straight over to the pair of them and put my hand on Liam’s shoulder, turning him to face me. He looked surprised, then he smiled and tried to give me a hug. I shook my head and dodged him.

“You should probably go somewhere else.” I said seriously. Liam’s face dropped into confusion. I kept my face like stone, waiting for him to listen. He didn’t respond right away, so I added just loud enough for him to hear, “You have no reason to be a dick to anyone tonight. Go find someone else to yell at if you really want to.”

“Alright, then. I’ll see you later.” He finally said, glancing at Harry again before walking away.

As soon as he was out of earshot, I looked up at Harry. “Are you alright?”

He nodded, putting his hands in his pockets and looking away from me. “I want to talk to you.” He mumbled. I nodded. I expected as much.

“Fine.” I looked around the room until I found a door. I instinctively took his hand and led him to it. When I opened it, we realized it was a walk-in sized empty coat closet. I shrugged and looked at him. “Will this do?”

He nodded and we walked into it, shutting the door behind us. I walked to about the back wall before turning and facing him. We were no longer holding hands, both of his were back in his pockets, my arms were crossed over my stomach.

“So… what did you have to say?” I asked after a long silence.

He sighed and looked up at me, making eye contact for the first time. He looked exhausted, his eyes were shiny like he was trying to get drunk but it didn’t work. All of his stresses were shown around his eyes and mouth, and he still seemed like he wanted to cry.

“You were brilliant.” He said finally. In the quiet of the closet, I could hear how raspy and weak his voice was. “Really, your performance…” He trailed off and looked down again. “It blew me away.”

I nodded. “Thank you.” I paused for a second before speaking again. “You guys sounded incredible, too. I’m… I’m actually really proud.” I watched his face carefully. He almost smirked, glancing up at me.

“Was it about me?” He asked, suddenly bold.

“Was what?”

“Your song. Was it about me?” He looked determined.

“Why would you think that?” I asked, getting defensive.

He sighed and shook his head. “’If our love’s insanity, then why are you my clarity?’” He quoted. “I remember what I said that night.”

I nodded again. “It was an inspiration.” I admitted, looking at him. “But I bet you’d say the same thing about your song.”

He laughed, but his eyes weren’t going along with it. “What?”

“’Shot me out of the sky, you’re my kryptonite.’” I sang at him. “Unless you get all the girls you talk to to call you superman, I think I’m probably the reason.”

He shook his head, looking away. “We didn’t write that song.”

“But you did pick your verses.” I retorted. “And from Louis told Laurie, you got in a bit of an argument for that particular line.”

He looked up at me. “So what? We both sang about each other, isn’t that a good sign?” He started to raise his voice. I could tell he was getting upset again but was trying to get angry so it wouldn’t show. “Why do you hate me so much?!” He almost yelled, though he knew better than do raise his voice at me.

“Because.” I said quietly. “I heard what you said to Louis the next day.”


	18. Chapter 18

**Harry’s POV**

**2010**

I didn’t sleep at all for the entire night. As soon as it hit 7:30 am and I heard Louis’s alarm go off across the hall, I got up and barged into his room. He groaned loudly as I opened the curtains to let in the light, but I ignored him.

“I really need to talk to you.” I said, standing at the edge of his bed, waiting for him to get up.

He groaned again before starting to sit up. “Just gimme a minute, will you?” He said, rubbing his eyes and slowly standing up. He went into the bathroom as I sat on the small desk chair, waiting. About 15 minutes later he finally was ready, cup of tea in hand. He took a seat on the edge of his bed and looked at me. “What’s up?”

I took a deep breath. Louis was my best friend, but I still hardly knew him. I was hoping he wouldn’t think of me any different after I told him what an ass I had been to Catherine the night before.

“So, you know how I disappeared last night from the party?” I began. He nodded his head slowly. “Well, I had gone on a walk with Catherine. I just wanted a chance to say goodbye, you know? But then…” I trailed off. I had no idea what about this I needed to talk about.

Louis looked concerned. “Are you okay? Do you need a glass of water?”

I laughed slightly, though it didn’t feel like I smiled. God, that must have been creepy. “I’m okay, mate.” I said. I paused again. “She told me she loved me.” I finally said, looking up at Louis’s face to see his reaction. He didn’t seem fazed.

“And?” He asked. “What did you tell her?”

I shrugged, shaking my head. “I couldn’t even control what I was saying. I just called her mental.” I looked at him again. “It is mental, right? I mean, is it?” I needed some sort of validation.

Louis looked like he was disappointed. “A girl tells you she loves you and you call her crazy?” He said.

I took a deep breath. “I really am an ass, aren’t I?” Louis nodded. I leaned back in my chair, staring at the ceiling. “I couldn’t control what I was saying. I didn’t mean it, I just couldn’t help it.”

“What do you mean you didn’t mean it?” He questioned.

I sighed and shook my head. “I mean, I love her, too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another super short one! I'm sorry!


	19. Chapter 19

**2012**

The morning after the VMAs, I was sitting in my hotel room with Laurie and Sarah, discussing how my performance went and the schedule for my first ever headlining tour that was scheduled to start in the fall of 2013. Until then, I was still looking to be and opening act for other tours and requests have started to come in.

“So, I think you should open up for a female artist, that way you know that the audience actually likes female artists, not just looking at cute boys.” Sarah was saying.

Laurie was disagreeing. “The boy bands tend to have a more loyal and larger fan base, plus being seen on days off with the members that you are friends with will be great publicity. Plus, if their cute, boyfriends.”

I took a deep breath as I fell back on my bed, closing my eyes. I didn’t want to think about this right now. I was still undergoing the emotional hangover that was my night. Nothing had gotten resolved with Harry. All I knew was that now he felt even more horrible than he did originally. I wish I could’ve told him I’m not mad anymore. I don’t hate him. He just hurt me.

Sarah took a look at me. “How about this. I’ll go run and get us some lunch from anywhere you want. We’ll take a two hour break to eat and relax, but then you have to promise me that we will talk about this and get everything worked out. No matter how long it takes. Deal?”

I looked at her and nodded. “That sounds great. I’m sorry.” I said quietly. She smiled and walked over to me, patting my knee. She said she would be back in 45 minutes and suggested I take a nap before she gets back. Then she left.

Laurie almost instantly checked her phone. She mumbled something to herself before walking outside. I guessed she had missed a call and had to return it, so I just turned on the TV, hoping it would lull me to sleep. It took twenty minutes of meaningless drama on some reality cooking show before I gave up. I sat up and turned it off, putting my face in my hands.

“No, she never told me that.” I could hear Laurie on the phone. I rolled my eyes, knowing it was probably just the gossip train coming through. “Catherine wouldn’t keep something like that from me.” She was getting defensive. My head shot up, why was she talking about me? Who was she talking to? “I’ll talk to her about it and text you, okay? Okay. Goodbye.”

I didn’t even lay down or pretend I wasn’t listening. “Was that Lou?” I asked as soon as she walked into the door.

“Why didn’t you tell me what he said?” She asked, looking incredibly hurt. “Why did you lie about it?”

I looked down. I knew she was talking about Harry. “I was embarrassed. He called me mental, and then the next day he was confessing his love for me to his friend? He didn’t even have the courage to tell me.” I looked up at her. “It just wasn’t worth my time. He wasn’t worth my time. Or yours.”

She shook her head and sat next to me. “I can’t believe you just threw it away.”

I looked over at her, completely blindsided. “What?! Threw what away? Some asshole 16 year old boy who couldn’t even hear the words I love you without calling someone completely mental?! Someone who can’t even tell that person how they feel in return? Who is too scared?!” My voice was higher than it ever had been before.

She looked up at me like she was about to cry. “You threw away your chance to be happy. And then you went around trying to make people feel sorry for you over it? You did this to yourself! No one feels bad for you, Catherine!” She was screaming by the end of it.

I looked away from her. I understood why she was so mad, but didn’t she understand why I didn’t tell her? Why I didn’t do anything? Why did overhearing that one thing make all the difference?

Laurie was fed up with me. She stormed out the room before I could even say anything. I laid back down and started to cry.


	20. Chapter 20

**Harry’s POV**

**2012**

It was midday the day after the VMAs. We had a day off, but for the first time I really didn’t want one. I needed something to get my mind off of what had happened. I was just sitting on the couch in my hotel room, holding the beanie I went through so much trouble to find again. Rubbish.

I already told Louis about the conversation I had had with Catherine in the coat closet. He had spoken to Laurie about it but didn’t have anything to report afterwards so I assumed she was no help.

“Oh, c’mon, man. Let’s just walk around the city. Let’s see people, do something!” Niall was complaining. Zayn was agreeing with him from the other side of the room but I wasn’t in the mood.

“You guys go ahead; I’ll come down later for dinner maybe.” I told them for the fifth time that day.

“Are you sure, though? We can stay with you if you want; we get it if you don’t want to be alone.” Zayn said. He was always so concerned about everyone, but I shook my head. I knew Louis was going to stay with me, so I would be okay.

“You go off. Have a laugh for me.” Niall smiled and he and Zayn went off.

Louis had been on the phone for a few minutes, but he returned about the same time as the other boys left. “So guess who is coming over.” He said, seemingly a little dazed.

“Who?”

“Laurie. Apparently she and Catherine got in an argument and she doesn’t really have anywhere else to go. I sent over a taxi to pick her up.”

“Is she okay?” I asked. “Is Catherine okay?” She and Laurie weren’t the type of people to fight, especially with each other. I had a bad feeling I was probably the reason for it, for making Catherine so upset the night before. I shook my head.

“It’s not your fault.” Louis said, reading my mind like always.

“There’s no way to know until she tells us.” I answered.

“So we just have to wait then.”

* * *

“So basically she just lied to me about it and expected me to feel bad for her, but I don’t anymore. It’s just not worth it.” Laurie was finishing her story about what happened, but I was still stuck on one particular comment.

“She said I was immature and not worth her time?” I asked to clarify. Laurie nodded. “Then why did she care that I was supposed to have a date?” Louis shrugged, but Laurie looked confused.

“Didn’t you though?” She asked. “I heard from a make-up artist that you were bringing someone.”

I shook my head. I was supposed to bring Taylor, just as a friend, but when I heard that Catherine was going to perform I decided against it. That didn’t exactly go over well.

“Huh.” Laurie commented.

I took a deep breath. This whole situation was just a ball of stress, a terrible, worthless event.

“You don’t mean that.” Louis said. I paused, I hadn’t realized I said that out loud. “You know you still care about her. You haven’t stopped talking about her for two years, every time you get in or out of a relationship she’s all you think about. You need to go have a right chat with her about it.”

“Besides.” Laurie added quietly. “She probably needs a friend today.”

I looked at her for a second before it hit me. “Shit it’s the seventh,” I said quickly, suddenly overcome with worry. “How the hell could you walk out on her today? Of all days?” Laurie shook her head. I knew she probably hadn’t thought of it, but I knew Catherine would be. It was five years today. I quickly grabbed my wallet and phone and headed out the door. I would get a taxi or car once I got there. I just needed to get to her.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> POV gets a little switched up- sorry if it's confusing.

Catherine was sitting on the bed of her hotel room, still alone. Sarah had come and gone, dropping off food then going downstairs for some meetings and phone calls before they began their talks. Someone knocked on the door. Catherine, assuming it was Laurie, opened it up without checking the peephole.

“I’m sorry I’m such an ass,” Harry said as soon the open door revealed him. “But today I want to be your friend and apologize. You don’t deserve to be alone.”

“How the hell did you find out where I’m staying?”  Catherine questioned as Harry walked into her room.

He held out the small group of flowers he picked up on the way there. “Where else did you think Laurie would go?” He asked. Catherine motioned to a vase with fake flowers on the desk. Harry took it and replaced them with his, going into the bathroom and adding water.

“I’m surprised you remembered to be honest.” Catherine said to him from her seat back on the bed. “No one else seems to.” She mumbled.

Harry came back out and put the vase on the nightstand before sitting next to Catherine on the bed. “How could I forget?”

Catherine looked at him, remembering how sweet he had always been to her during their time together. “I don’t hate you,” She admitted quietly. “It was just easier to be mad at you at first, push you away, but now it all just seems incredibly stupid.” She looked down and sighed, starting to cry. “Now I just have no one left…”

Harry wrapped his arm around her and tried to rub her back. As she began to cry harder, he pulled her into his lap the way he did a couple years ago. “Shhh…” He whispered to her softly. “I’m here now. You are wanted. You are loved.” He started to sing “Isn’t She Lovely” softly, rubbing her back, trying to calm her.

After a couple minutes she lifted her head off his shoulder and rubbed her eyes. She got up and went to the bathroom to splash water on her face before returning and sitting next to him again.

“You don’t have to stop, love. I’m here so you can let it out.” He said, gently taking her hand. She nodded, then shook her head.

“I’m done. I don’t want to cry anymore.” She looked at him and tried to smile. “So what were you saying before that happened?” She was still on the verge of tears, but was going to ignore it for now.

Harry took a deep breath and turned to face her. “I wanted to apologize.” He laughed slightly. “I know it almost seems ridiculous to apologize for something that happened two years ago, but that really just means it’s two years overdue.” He looked at her. “You weren’t mental. And I was stupid not to tell you how I really felt at the time.” He shrugged. “I was just too scared.”

Catherine smiled slightly and looked down. “But you’re superman with a beanie. Beanie Superman doesn’t get scared.”

Harry laughed and shook his head. She looked at him and smiled again. “It means a lot for you to apologize.” She said finally. “And for you to come to be here for me. I’m sorry, too.”

Harry wrapped his arms around her in a hug and kissed her cheek. “It’s all okay.” He pulled away and looked at her. “Do you think we can be friends?”

She smiled slightly. “I mean, if you really wanna get into that kind of thing.”

He laughed and nodded. “Sure I do. Now, let’s go get some food, huh?” He hadn’t eaten all day.

Catherine looked at the clock and shook her head. “I have meetings for the rest of the day. Have to decided who I’m touring with, you know?” She smiled just as Sarah walked in. “Work, work, work.”

Harry nodded, waving at Sarah. “Then call me after. I’ll text you my number from Laurie’s phone.” He got up, hugged Catherine one more time and left.

Catherine sighed. At least that was all over with.

* * *

**Catherine’s POV**

“I really need a decision from you, Catherine.” Sarah was getting serious. I just honestly didn’t have a clue.

“I don’t like any of them.” I said, looking again through a stack of bands that I had the chance of touring with. I shook my head and sighed. “None of them are fun.”

Sarah rolled her eyes at me as her phone rang for the fifth time that hour. “Okay, I have to take this this time. You better have a decision before I get back or I’m making one for you.” I nodded as she left the room. I kept flipping through the pictures, but gave up after just a couple minutes. I checked my phone. Harry and I had been texting a bit when I had short breaks.

(Me: I hate all of these bands. I may as well never tour.)

(Harry: Oh come on, there must be one good one at least.)

I shook my head. He was too optimistic for me.

(Me: Zero, I promise. All of them are old or boring or totally not my style of music or human.)

(Harry: Well, I hope you change your mind soon.)

I rolled my eyes. He was no use.

Sarah came back in. “Decision time. Anyone?”

I sighed. “How about I just not go on tour with anyone. I can do small venue single tour like last year again.”

Sarah sighed. “Nope, so I’ve made my decision for you. Ready?”

I leaned back. “Sure. Fire away.”

She smiled mischievously. “That was the boys’ manager. You’re going on tour with One Direction.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DONE! How'd you like it? Think I should write a sequel?

**Author's Note:**

> This is actually my first ever one direction fic! Let me know what you think. Also check out my tumblr! rockmeinyourdirection.tumblr.com


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